Caffeine

I don't drink coffee.  I still find myself thinking that it's for grown ups.  It tastes like dirt, even when you mix in other stuff.  Coffee with caramel just tastes like dirty candy. I don't need any of that mochafroufroulattegranderalphmachhiato crap.  I drink tea.  How can you mess up tea? It's been around since at least the third century AD without needing fancy names.  Sure, it tastes better out of a fancy cup, but that's beside the point.

What annoys me most about coffee is that every time I have a house guest, they ask if I have coffee.  I'm always nice enough to have at least instant coffee in my tea cabinet, but I don't own a coffee maker. Most of my guests then sigh and give me a disgusted look. What the crap? I inflated my best air mattress for you, fed you, AND I kept my kids and/or pets off of you long enough for you to sleep. I see no point in bringing yet another small appliance into my house that I have no intention of using. Expecting me to own a coffee maker is like if I went to your house and got pissed because you don't own a KitchenAid mixer for me to make cookies.  "Gah, I can't go a day without cookies.  How can you live without cookies?"

I want my caffeine fix and I want it without having to pay five dollars and sound out a bunch of words someone picked out of a hat to make us look dumb.  This is probably why I've never consumed anything from Starbucks.  Even my fancy expensive Amazonian Runa tea (have you had that stuff?  It's amazeballs, by the by) costs less than five dollars for 16 cups.

Maybe I'm just cheap, half awake, and babbling until my tea takes effect.  I'll probably read though this after I'm fully awake and realize that it makes no sense.  If that happens, I'll delete this and no one will read it, so I may as well stop typing.