A lot of people who know me know that I spent a lot of time at metal shows in my younger years. Most of these shows included a mosh pit of some form or another. A lot of us know there are (usually unspoken) rules for a mosh pit and it's not just a bunch of chaos, although to an outsider it probably appears to be a terrifying display of humanity. Raising children can also appear like a terrifying display of humanity to an outsider of the parenting world. This article contains the ten general rules of mosh pit etiquette. We're going to compare parenting with a mosh pit today, since I have found there are many similarities between the two.
- Pick up the fallen. At many of the shows I attended, the musicians on stage would say, "If someone falls down, you help them back up!" I often use the same sentence when speaking to my children, especially when they're roughhousing. We're not here to trample each other.
- Hold lost items above your head. Kids are notorious about losing stuff. They're also notorious for finding things. If you find something interesting, please try to bring Mama's attention to it before claiming it as your own and stuffing it into your pocket. I'm looking at you, Ronin.
- Playing the sideline comes with responsibility. Kids, if your brother or sister is doing something potentially dangerous and you're sitting on the sidelines observing and not saying anything about it, you're still partially responsible.
- Learn your basics. As Jack Spencer so eloquently puts it, "Any sense of format to moshing can easily be tossed out the window depending on the size of the crowd, so often trying to adhere to a style is futile." Any of the parenting stuff you learned before having kids might not fit your kids. Things you learned with your first child may not apply to your second.
- Know when the pit begins and ends. Just as you never know exactly when a pit is going to start up, you also never know when a child may start up. Small children are every bit as unpredictable as a mosh pit.
- Throwing things is generally frowned upon. This should go without saying, right?
- Respect that not everyone is there for the pit. Not everyone is cut out for parenting, so don't encourage your friends to join you in having children. Also, not everyone in your life will be there for your children. You can't force them into your child's life and it's really the adult's loss if they're missing out on your awesome kid(s).
- Try to keep tempo and pace with those around you. Sometimes you can watch a child for clues that they're going to flip out and work to diffuse the situation. Sometimes it's a sudden thing and they're set off without warning. Either way, they should have some occasional lulls where you can catch your breath.
- Don't make it or take it personal. With kids, words will often fly (and sometimes body parts) without being meant for anyone in particular. Sometimes they'll hit you, sometimes they won't. If your toddler says they hate you, it's not personal. If your toddler headbutts you in the face while going in for a hug and breaks your glasses, it's still not personal. They're known for being out of control. If you take everything personally, you'll be quite a miserable parent.
- Respect the venue staff. When you're at home, your child can be as destructive as you want. When you're in public and your tiny terror is doing his or her thing, please respect those around you and their property. If your little love is running through a restaurant, disturbing other patrons and tripping the staff, please do your best to diffuse this situation. Remove the child, distract the child, do your best to calm the child before someone gets hurt.
