When they grow up . . .

Ronin is 6 and has declared that he will live in this house forever. He will never learn to drive, ride a bicycle, or have children and we are never allowed to move. He does want his own chameleon and scorpion farm.

Tanith is 3 and has already decided that she will take 15 other people's kids. Some will be babies and some will be children. They will never grow up. I'm genuinely worried about that one.

Kaiya is 9 and will travel to Australia to assist them in ridding themselves of the feral cat population, armed with a rifle and bow and arrow. She is very passionate about Australia's indigenous species being hunted to extinction and believes that an army of ALF clones could also do the job. I think we may have a more militant Bindi Irwin on our hands with this one.

Breaking up is Hard to Do. . .

I've had unexplained issues with my health on and off for my whole life.  When I finally got insurance a few months back, I went to a doctor and practically begged for allergy testing.  He pretty much just laughed in my face and went on about his business.  What a waste of an hour.

I got into a very minor accident and had some pain a couple of months ago and I went to a regular follow up about nagging back pain. I had a new PA who asked about my health history and suggested a blood test for gluten allergy and a referral to a specialist.  I seriously doubted there would be any result since going gluten free a few years back did little to help me.

I was wrong.  I received the phone call on a Tuesday afternoon with results showing I had a definite gluten allergy.  I have celiac disease.  I'm still new at this and unfamiliar with the terms, but a nurse who glimpsed my chart yesterday said my antibody levels were alarmingly high.

How can I have celiac disease?  How can I be allergic to wheat?  I live to eat.  I love to bake.  I've finally perfected my bread recipe!  My cinnamon rolls are out of this world.  Food is my best friend and this is the worst breakup I've ever experienced.  Everywhere I turn, there are foods I can't eat.

I was so angry at first.  How could I have gone 31 years without knowing this?  Why didn't anyone listen 12 years ago when my health took a nosedive?

My next thought was my children.  Celiac disease is genetic.  What if they're like me?  They have each shown some of my various symptoms on occasion.  I took my terrified three to the pediatrician on Monday and found out the news yesterday.

All three have different degrees of dairy allergy (Huh? I wasn't even worried about dairy!) and my three year old has a gluten allergy.

It's hard to find out you have an autoimmune disorder as an adult, but do you know what's harder?  Finding out your toddler has it too.  For now, I'm banning all dairy and wheat-containing products from our home.  I've got to go through the whole house now and scrub it everything down before researching or getting rid of all personal care items.  Toothpaste!  Lipstick! Medications! Vitamins!  Toss all the things!  What if someone ate a sandwich and then touched this?  Could it trigger a reaction?  I don't want to find out.

Our newest addition

It's been a while since I've updated, hasn't it?  I've been busy with our newest addition.  We recently added to our family and adopted a bouncing little 375-month old, 170 pound, 72 inch bundle of joy in a dirty NOFX shirt.  No, really, my best friend in the universe moved into my office.  I thought it would be great that a third adult was moving in, but it's become pretty evident that he's just as much of a playmate for the kids as a spare adult for Robby and me. What?  An adult to read comics to the kids and be the bad guy in their Nerf battles?  Mike can reach the candy box AND name all the characters from Star Wars!  He can operate the dishwasher AND handle Transformer directions!  This is awesome.

I know that there are some naysayers out there.  Screw you guys.  I spend several hours a day giggling about old jokes and quoting Labyrinth, so I'm loving this living situation.

What else has changed in the last two months?  Not much.  It's really freaking cold outside.  I tried a new mayonnaise at Whole Foods and it was life-changing.  Sir Kensington, you certainly earned that title.  The latest episode of Walking Dead was the most boring episode they've aired.  We're planning a trip to Atlanta for the Dixie Reptile Show.  Coffee is still gross.