I don't like

I like a lot of things.  I have a strong dislike for a few others. 

Deviled eggs.  They are the malodorous ovum of Beelzebub.  Nothing like Devil's food cake.
Mustard.  It's like ketchup, but gross.  And it looks like newborn poop, but I do enjoy asking people if they have any Grey Poupon.  Do they still make that stuff?
Chick flicks.  Why do people think I want to watch that crap?
People who look forward to a zombie apocalypse.  Like they'd survive.
People who say coldslaw and giraft.  Really?
Mesothelioma lawyer commercials during Maury Povich.  Do you really think most of these viewers can even pronounce mesothelioma?
The same goes for structured annuity settlement commercials.  "If you get long term payments, but you need cash now" and "It's my money and I need it now"  Do these people really watch You are Not The Father?

Most commercials.  I turned off our cable a few months ago and can do without.
The sound tape makes when it comes off the roll.  I don't mind nails on a chalkboard.
Little girls in booty shorts and stripper heels.  Go be a kid.
Saggy skinny jeans.  Sagging is one thing and skinny jeans are another.  Putting them together makes you look exponentially more idiotic.
Side ponytails with multiple headbands.  Choose an accessory.
People who say uh-sess-er-ee.
Cats.
Single friends who constantly send invites to Facebook events, then ask why I couldn't make it.  Sure, let me just pack up my kids and let them play lawn darts in the mosh pit while I do Jager bombs at your show.
Single friends who quote Taylor Swift songs on Facebook that lament their singlehood.  Taylor Swift really knows how to avoid being single, right?
Taylor Swift
Boy bands.  I still shudder a little bit at the thought of Backstreet coming back (alright)

Gain laundry detergent.  I'd rather smell like feet than that crap.
People who drive a Nissan and get a custom made sticker to go across the windshield that says, "NISSAN" so that it matches the custom license plate that says Nissan.  I think that's already been established.
People who tell me to take it easy.  I have 3 kids, 2 jobs, and I homeschool.  When will I get the chance to take it easy?
Reese's Pieces.  Why did no one ever tell me they contained no chocolate?  It's like my whole life was a lie.

Malodorous ovum of beelzebub, be gone!